A moment that changed me: I thought I was a lesbian. David Bowie made me realise the truth - Oliver Radclyffe

A Moment That Changed Me: Discovering Identity Through David Bowie

Oliver Radclyffe’s deeply personal essay, published in The Guardian, recounts a transformative journey of gender and sexual identity, catalyzed by an encounter with the artistry of David Bowie.

In 2011, Radclyffe came out as a lesbian after years of dating men, including a marriage that ended in separation.

Living in the United States as a mother of four, Radclyffe began to question not only sexual orientation but also gender identity. This introspection led to a pivotal visit to the “David Bowie Is” exhibition at the Victoria and Albert Museum in London.

Growing up in England during the 1980s, Radclyffe was immersed in a pop culture landscape where gender fluidity was visible and celebrated. Artists like Annie Lennox, Boy George, and bands such as Erasure and Bronski Beat challenged traditional norms.

This cultural backdrop laid the foundation for Radclyffe’s later exploration of identity. After years of presenting as a tomboy and then conforming to femininity during marriage, the dissolution of that relationship reignited a desire to reconnect with masculinity.

The Bowie exhibition became a symbolic space for self-discovery. Watching the video for “Boys Keep Swinging,” Radclyffe was struck by Bowie’s performance and the drag personas he embodied. The backing singers, also Bowie in disguise, appeared bored and uncomfortable in their exaggerated femininity, a feeling Radclyffe deeply resonated with.

The moment Bowie revealed himself beneath the drag was revelatory. Radclyffe realized that the discomfort wasn’t just about clothing or presentation, it was about being misaligned with the body itself.

This epiphany marked a turning point. Radclyffe began to adopt a more masculine presentation: cutting hair, discarding makeup and dresses, changing name and pronouns. Yet the fear of medical transition lingered, rooted in anxiety about rejection and regret. It wasn’t until five years later, at the Brooklyn iteration of the Bowie exhibition, that Radclyffe reached a breaking point.

Standing once again before the same video, the realization crystallized: Radclyffe wasn’t a masculine woman, but a feminine man who had been performing a role all his life.

Following this second encounter, Radclyffe sought medical guidance and eventually completed a gender transition. The fears that once loomed never materialized.

While some feminine mannerisms remain, leading others to perceive Radclyffe as a gay man, there is peace in that ambiguity. The ultimate goal was freedom, the kind Bowie embodied, to play with gender authentically and comfortably.

Radclyffe’s memoir, Frighten the Horses: A Memoir of Transition, expands on this journey and is published by Grove Press. The essay stands as a testament to the power of art to illuminate personal truth and the courage it takes to live it.